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Friday, March 11, 2005

 

Yvette

Yvette came in the office today. She's my boss, well kind of. She is in charge of my department but doesn't know what I do. I could easily tell her if she asks. I do Nothing
"Neil, we've got problems. "
What's this "we" crap, I thought. I've got no problems. I'd pay for a problem then I'd have to solve it and then I'd be busy.
"O.K. whats the issue?"
"We need to test out the form-booking application designed by frank in I.T. We're not sure it'll work. It needs a proper test to ensure it complies with company standards and ensures that we do not get in trouble if it infects all other computers or something"

You're out your depth, I thought.
"You're right", I said.

"We need to indemnify the comany against any risk", Yvette barked much too confidently.
You don't even know what what you just said means.

"Should be easy enough". She kept looking at me...
Just say it, woman, I thought. You haven't got a clue - you want my help. She'll never say that though.
"Send the software to all members of staff, " I cracked. "They need to try every button, load up other programs at the same time, make mistakes - generally try and break it. Get them to report, errors, errors in the manual, usability issues, did they like it, do they like its colour, layout, do they have any preferences. Where did they go wrong... then..."

As I carried on she made notes. Then she finished with "yes - I think thats what we should do".

No - I thought it

Then she went. I felt quite satisfied for the next 15 minutes, until I realised I hadn't actually done any work. Nothing to show for it, no actions, no time.
Barry put his head round the door. "Thanks for your help Neil"

Are they all fools?

Thursday, March 10, 2005

 

My Bin

I'm sure my bin has been moved.
The morning mail from "Waste Disposal Conference 05" arrived and I threw it in the bin. Though it didn't land in the bin. Because the bin has moved. I'm sure it has. I'll move it back. I notice things like that, you see.
I know this office inside out. Its my daydream base. Its got a dusty phone, fridge (the fridge ticks every 15 minutes) and so much desk space I deliberately keep files on it or it will easily look sparse. A busy desk is a busy worker. Well, sort of.
I've thought alot in this room. About politics, science, maths and business. Here my greatest business deals have been struck without so much as speaking to anyone. I think I've thought about everything and have a secret opinion on everything but I've never actually done it.
Still I talk a good talk and thats why my boss thinks I'm busy. But I'm not. I can't put my finger on as to why, but I really have got nothing to do all day. I swear I should be busy but can't think of what on. So why does everyone think I work hard? I even get pay rises.
So this is either a blog of a person with nothing to do all day, or of a lazy genius blagger. The blagger blogger.
Make your own mind up.....

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